10 Commandments of Risk Online

by Redstorm
(Major Command Risk Game Player and Blog Contributor)

NOTE: This article is purely for fun
with no intent to offend anyone’s religion.

1. I am the game of Risk Online. You shall place no other gods before me.

Well, when you hope and pray that the dice will be good, just exactly who are you asking for help? The dice, Zeus, Mighty Mouse and even, yes, God have all passed my lips when I really need that roll. My good luck charm probably fits in this category since it hangs right above my monitor. I do sneak around and play other games now and then as well. SINNER

2. You shall not make for yourself an idol.

Oops. My game avatar is so cool that I couldn’t possibly live without it. The way the jagged lightning moves sends shivers down my spine. What harm could it possibly be doing to anyone? And the background color red really stands out to intimidate all my opponents. I just can’t play Risk Online without it. SINNER

3. Do not take the name of your Risk game engine in vain.

How in the hell are you supposed to do this? Can you even get through one game without wanting to punch your monitor or your dog? The inexplicable dice rolls, your opponents not doing what you want them to do and, of course, the #%&ing site downtime. Whew, it’s enough to make you want to wash your own mouth out with soap. SINNER

4. Remember you have a real life and keep the game in the proper perspective.

Uhhh. SINNER

5. Honor your father and mother.

Hurrah, I got one this time. I love my parents dearly. Well, not answering the phone when they call while I’m conquering the known universe doesn’t count, does it? SAINT SINNER

6. You shall not kill/murder.

Isn’t that the bloody point of playing Risk online? I mean, geez, how can you possibly win a game if you don’t kill a few troops, right? Silly commandant for a Risk player if you ask me. SINNER

7. You shall not commit the grievous crime of cheating on your game partner.

C’mon, you know what I’m talking about here. Did you really pass all the troops you could have to your struggling partner or did you hold back some? When you discuss strategy with your partner, are you thinking of the team or yourself first? There is lots of room for guilt here. SINNER

8. You shall not steal.

Take, conquer, overthrow, overwhelm are all very translatable to the word steal, you thief. It’s one of those immutable parts of playing Risk; you have to steal others’ territories to prosper. SINNER

9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

I consider myself to be an honest and honorable player, really! Can I help it if another player takes everything I say during a game as gospel? Isn’t there some room here for a little disinformation tactic or two? SINNER

10. You shall not covet your neighbor’s territories or anything that belongs to your neighbor.

Guilty as charged. When I play I want it all. No apologies were given for that. SINNER

Where do you stand?

by Redstorm